But mothers lie. It's in the job description.

“But mothers lie. It's in the job description.” 
― John Green 

I have told my children that the one thing that they always have to do is tell the truth. Always.

I have a confession. I lie – I lie all the time and mainly lie just to my children. 

The lies I have told in the last week include:

1.Yes of course it’s 8pm, all the clocks in this house are wrong (this evening's lie at 7.26pm)

2. Yes of course the tooth fairy exists, she takes your tooth in a magic back pack, grinds it down and makes it into fairy dust to grant wishes

3. Yes if it stops raining we’ll go on a bike ride. We’ll see (under breath maybe not)

4. No of course I didn’t steal that fiver from your money box (and of course I didn’t buy wine with it)

5. I’ve spoken to your teacher and she agrees with me (about everything especially my parenting skills)

6. There is no ice-cream left in the shop (because I went in earlier and ate it all)

7. I have no idea where that bar of chocolate went (hides wrapper in knicker drawer)

8. Change your face before I change it for you (never yet have they asked me how I intend to do that)

9. When the burglar alarm sensor flashes it’s Father Christmas watching you (the nearly ten year has possibly cottoned on to this one)

And the best lie I have ever told and keep telling…

10.  If you tell me the truth, I won’t get cross

I’m a convicing liar.

But never ever lie to me. It’s wrong you understand. 

WINESDAY

LISTEN.

Today is Winesday. Wednesday is no more.


WINESDAY

It used to be known as Wednesday. It used to be the hardest day of the week to learn how to spell and I always knew it as Wed-Nes-Day. It also heralds the middle of the week.

But no more. Winesday is the new Wed-Nes-Day, it is a day to behold.

Thursday was the new Friday and now Winesday is the new Thursday which is the new Friday which means it's the new start of the weekend. I think.

The plan is simple don't drink on Sunday, Monday and Tuesday.

Now I know Sundays will be difficult to maintain as an alcohol free day so follow this simple rule of thumb. If you are cooking a roast dinner for more than two people (small things count) then you can have a drink. That's the law on Sunday Drinking.

Winesday heralds the start of the drinking week.

Now I tend to drink red (usually a Rioja) during the Winesday winter months but as soon as the sun starts to shine I'm partial to a glass (or two) of white. Soave is on the menu for this evening. But there's really no need to follow my way - you can mix it up a little. Perhaps even throw in a Rosé or even a glass or two of fizz.

If this is your inaugural Winesday, the rules are as follows:

1. Wait until Wine O'clock

• To clarify: wine o'clock differs for everyone, but remember this: it's wine o'clock somewhere in the globe right now
• If you are on holiday, wine o'clock can legitimately begin at 11am
• If you are meeting friends for lunch, it would be rude not to welcome in wine o'clock
• If you are working, then wine o'clock begins from 6.00pm on the dot (after the car has been parked up)

2. On arrival of your Wine o'clock, I highly recommend you acquire a glass 

(I prefer ones the size of a vase; fewer trips to the kitchen) 

This could be a Winesday celebratory purchase http://www.amazon.co.uk/Giant-Wine-Glass-glass-bottle/dp/B000HT1YSG/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1331736728&sr=8-1

3. Open preferred bottle, pour said wine into said glass

4. Sigh, gaze lovingly at wine and drink

5. On Winesday, it is acceptable to drink a bottle. 

Should you consume a full bottle on a school night, I recommend Milk Thistle tablets to minimise post Winesday come down (otherwise known as a hangover)

6. Start crossing off the days until the next Winesday

Enjoy Winesday  - same time, same place, next week.

The Car Park Guardian Angel

The Car Park Guardian Angel

Today I bring you a top tip and a guaranteed way to ensure you always find a car parking space.

It's simple - you just ask the Guardian Angel of Car Parks for help. Oh yes there is one.

There is a theory that if you want something badly enough and you focus on it you can achieve it. (I want that bar of chocolate, I can eat it. I want that bottle of wine, I can drink it.)

I have been working with the Car Park Guardian Angel for a while and she rarely lets me down.

The process is as follows - as you approach the required car park you ask her to find you a space (I always request one near the door). Then more often that not as you swing your car elegantly round the car park without going the wrong way up the ridiculous car park one way system, it will be there winking at you: a free space.

Try it. Today.

I could then say that to say thank you for the car parking space you should all leave your car and do a little jig of joy in the car park. But that would just be plain silly.